R___
I’m lost.
I can’t find my way home.
Maybe I’m there.
Maybe I’m gone.
I’m lost
In the clutter:
Mother’s photos—
Sister’s trinkets—
Grandmother’s tales—
I’m lost.
In the ammonia stink of cat piss—
The foil on the windows—
The dust asleep on the floor—
The cramped maze of the hall.
I can’t find my way out
Through the inherited memories of
A father crippled, un-whole—
Absent—
Granny on the porch—
Gun leveled—
Running—
I’m lost.
I can’t find my way there.
Through the running.
The running to fly.
Running to claws.
Running to shreds.
Running to nothing.
I’m lost.
In the fleeing.
The wedding.
The trail taking me far
Far away.
The knife at my throat—
A man guarded by
Army regalia.
I can’t find my way home.
Through the screaming
And the flight
And the running
Back
Into Mother’s arms—
Lock
and
Key.
It is here.
I will never be here.
I loved it💓
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